NICU & Coming Home

Tuesday evening the neonatologist that was in the OR when Luke was born came to talk to us and basically explained to us that Luke was one chance away from having to go to the NICU.  He had one more shot to get his oxygen saturation stats stabilized and if he couldn't do it on his own then they would be admitting him to the NICU.  Well, his stats came up and stayed up and we were so excited that we dodged that bullet.  Wednesday morning he was doing great.  He was starting to attempt nursing, the big boys came to visit him and got to hold him and love on him, and we were enjoying having him in our room with us like a normal baby.  Around 3:00, Luke's nurse came in to take his temperature and check in on him and while she was working with him he really started screaming.  It was at that moment, I believe, that the air escaped out from the tears in his lungs and into his chest cavity, causing them both to collapse.  His breathing became very labored and was quickly taken back to the nursery to be "watched".  At the time I did not realize just how bad he had gotten.  All I was thinking about was needing to nurse him (he hadn't eaten since 1:00 that afternoon) and that we were over the hurdle last night.  A few friends came to visit us, first Shelley, then Melissa and Becky and all of them had to look at him through the nursery window.  Around 5:30, while we were in our room visiting with Melissa and Becky, the neonatologist came in to explain they were admitting him to the NICU and she wanted to go over a few of the things they were getting ready to do.  I tried SO hard to keep it together while we were talking with the doctor but after a few minutes of it sinking in that I would not be with my baby, that I wouldn't be able to hold him or feed him, it hit me hard.  It was very hard to hear that Luke was sick enough to be taken to the NICU.  The doctor explained that once he was all set up down in the NICU that we would be able to visit him.  Jessica, one of my closest friends, showed up at the hospital just in time to take my mind off of things for a minute and get things set up for pumping.  Around 7:00 that evening we went down to the NICU for the first time and nothing could have prepared us for the emotions that we would feel seeing our newest son hooked up to so many monitors, in an incubator with an oxygen tent over him, seeing him screaming and not being able to do anything for him.  It was the most helpless feeling I have ever felt... all I wanted to do was touch him, hold him, and let him know we were there.  But that night we could do none of those things.  The neonatologist explained that they had done another set of chest x-rays and began to explain what exactly happened.  For me, that conversation is a complete blur.  I was too focused on my child, who needed me but needed 100% oxygen more.  We went back to our room, not knowing what to expect in the next few days and knowing it was going to be a long night!! 
     The next morning Luke's NICU nurse called around 6:00 to tell us that another set of chest x-rays had been done and that there was no change from the x-rays done the night before.  This was really hard for me to hear for several reasons but mainly because it meant that progress had not been made and in my mind that just meant even longer before I could love on him again.  The only thing I could think of was that I could not sit in his NICU room all day with him crying and needing me and not being able to do anything for him.  I was learning very quickly that having a child in the NICU was going to be such an emotional roller coaster!  Thankfully, Luke's new nurse for the day called the room to let us know that the neonatologist that was going to be on for the day was about to make rounds if we wanted to be there to talk with him.  We quickly went down to the NICU and waited for Dr. Coats to come in.  He went over everything with us, from what happened the day he was born, to what brought him to the NICU the day before and then he said some of the best words any mama wants to hear in that situation.  He told us that there had been improvement and that Luke would be able to come out of the oxygen tent and start weaning down to breathing regular room air.  That meant we could home him again.  They inserted a feeding tube and started his feeds through that.  There were a few things he needed to have done right after our meeting so we went back to our room to quickly eat something and got back to the NICU as soon as we could so I could start holding my son again.  What an amazing feeling... the feeling you get the first time you hold your child is indescribable but this, holding him skin to skin after not being able to hold him for a while was so emotional for us.  Right away we noticed all of his stats immediately went right to where they needed to be.  It really brought both of us to tears... to know that me, as his mommy, could help him that much just by holding him skin to skin on my chest.  Definitely something we will never forget!  That day started with what we thought was very little improvement from the day before and we were told to expect to be in the NICU for at least 7-10 days.  We had so many people praying for Luke and we were all praying that the Lord would touch his tiny, little body and that maybe somehow he would surprise everyone with how quickly his body would heal.  By the end of that day, not only were all of his stats stabilized but they stayed that way long enough for him to get back to bottle feeding and then nursing by that evening.  Friday morning we were told there was a possibility that he would get to go home late that night or the next morning.  To everyone's surprise Luke was released from the NICU Friday evening at 9:00 and we were all able to go home together (Praise the Lord!). 
     Our experience the week Luke was born is something we never expected and never want to experience again, but we are so thankful looking back at how the Lord really protected and provided for us that week.  From the doctor operating on me, to the nurses who were so tuned in to Luke to all the people involved in taking care of him in the NICU, to everyone who were on their knees on our behalf.  It was such a crazy emotional roller coaster but the Lord taught us so much throughout that week.  We are now so thankful for our completely healthy little boy and even happier that all of that is now behind us.

First time getting to hold Luke again after he was admitted to the NICU.  Words can't express how happy I was and how thankful I was to have him back in my arms where he belonged!

It was amazing to see how Luke's stats stabilized immediately once he was on my chest.  Words cannot even begin to express how happy I was at that moment to finally have him back in my arms!

Charles holding his youngest while they both tried to catch a nap.

Luke asleep in his incubator.  At this point the oxygen tent had just been removed.

Luke with all of his wires and i.v.  He had been so poked and prodded.

Finally getting all of those wires taken off.  Getting ready to go home Friday night after just receiving the final word that his cultures all came back negative for infection and he was all clear to be released!

Dressed in the same outfit both of his older brothers came home from the hospital in.  So happy to be "free" from all the wires and machines!

Getting handed over to Mommy by the nurse from the NICU.  I felt at that moment that he was finally "ours"!

Finally going home with our healthy little boy!